Pornography and A Boys First Orgasm.

For most pre-pubescent boys, the first exploration of sexual needs is usually sneaking a peak at his fathers pornography, probably a few years before he can get his own real hard on that doesn't involve just needing a piss. I don't normally write about stuff like this I was watching my daily pornography fix and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about the complicated relationship, I have had with porn, ever since I discovered the pleasures of self loving.

I don't recall how young I was when I first learned about sex. It just always seemed to be something I knew and the knowledge developed over the years. At first, its just about how babies are made and obviously as an adult now, the full on messy nasty. I knew certain body parts were required for the act, however I didn't know about the physical activity needed or what was required in order for a woman to become pregnant. I learned a lot from listening to other boys talk, usually older than I was

I would have been about 6 or 7, when I heard about masturbation, during a discussion I was privvy too between my older brother and his friends. I had no idea though, that there was on objective when a boy had a wank. A happy ending. I just knew that boys were supposed to do it.

My first dealings with pornography was giggling with my friend Paul as we looked at deck of playing cards, which had a mix of naked ladies and couples having sex. The pictures with dudes on them, always more appealing to me.

In most situations, a boy develops a relationship with porn, probably years before he actually experiences the act of sex. My older brother and my father both had various pornography collections, a video hidden in a cupboard or a magazine stashed under a mattress. However, I was queer and it wasn't so easy for me to find anything, that was *ahem* stimulating for me. So, I would use late night television to get my rocks off and it was watching one of these shows and playing with myself, when I experienced the wonderful pleasures of ejaculation

I remember it very well, it was late and I was watching Euro Trash on Channel 4. Back in the day, Channel 4 was known to be more controversial than its rivals and late at night, it would show programmes, which had a lot of adult content. There was a particular segment about gay orgies, bareback orgies to be specific. It didn't show the good stuff and there was no chance of a money shot, but with clever angles, I was able to let my imagination run wild. So, I was watching it, tugging at myself, when all of a sudden a strange feeling overcame me, my body shuddered, my eyes rolled back into my head and a groan escaped my lips. Before I knew it, a white gooey liquid sprayed across my chest. I had cum for the very first time.

I was about 12 at the time and as I said, I knew about sex but someone had neglected to fill me in on some of the finer details, I had no idea that ejaculating would have that sensation. How amazing it was, I remember int he weeks and months that followed, trying to replicate that feeling, the same way a heroin junkie tries to duplicate that very first hit. I wondered why people didn't talk about it more, why wasn't anyone shouting from the roof tops about the glorious pleasure we could give ourselves.

I guess you could say it was then that my relationship with my penis began, I continued to watch Euro Trash, in the hopes I would see something to turn me on but as I experimented more, it simply wasn't enough. If I wasn't having sex to relieve myself, then I, at the very least had to see it. Being that age and being homosexual, trying to keep it a secret, meant it was near impossible for me to get my hands on gay porn. This was before we had the joys of the internet and the wonderful world of internet porn.

But that is when having a gay older brother, finally came in handy. It was in a black case, with no cover on it, no sticker to alert anyone to its content. It was on top of a wardrobe, when I found it for the first time, I knew immediately what it must be. I took it down and I stared at it for a moment, excited and terrified in equal measures. I was holding real gay porn, this video contained men kissing, men fucking, MEN!

Knowing it was there was the simple part, actually figuring out a way to watch it, was an entirely different matter. I didn't have the balls to watch it whilst someone else was in the house and I wasn't left alone very often. But one night, it seemed luck was finally in my favour, everyone was out doing their own thing. I crept into my brothers room and stood on the bed, so I was able to see the top of the wardrobe, I wanted to take a good look at the video's position, take a mental snapshot and be sure that I could put it exactly where I found it.

I put it in the video player in my room and pressed play, it was about half way through the tape. It was old and grainy, filmed judging by the hair (I couldn't go by the clothes, because there weren't any) in the 1980's. I was for the first time, watching two men have sex. This was the most awesome moment of my entire 12 years, or so I thought, caught up in the heat of the moment. I came within a matter of minutes (Probably seconds...). When I was done, I was meticulous in making sure, that it played at the exact starting point it had when I first pressed play. I must have watched that video a million times afterwards.

That is when my relationship with pornography began. A relationship to this day, which still continues. Like most men, who aren't afraid to admit it, it has been a constant hobby.