From Crush To Friendship

I have written about him on this blog before, the type of gushing posts that can be expected when someone talks about someone they have a crush on, I can read them now and they make me laugh, they made me seem like a soppy pre-teen, fawning over their first love. It's actually quite cute. I must have obsessed with him for about a year. He was the first person, in a very long time that I could actually picture myself being with. I never told him this, although some of our friend knew and I think he must have.

There was a couple of reasons why I never told him, the old age fear of rejection is in the mix. Our friendship could potentially have been ruined if he was to turn me down, of course we would probably have gone through the motions of pretending it wouldn't have damaged our friendship, but I know I would not have been able to pretend it didn't happen. But then there is also the chance that he would have reciprocated, and we got together.

I can say with some certainty, that we would not be together now, I know the idea of the relationship would have worked better than the reality of it. But that is not why I am writing this now. I can say now, that the relationship we have now, is far more important to me, than any romantic entanglement would have been.

He is  a couple of years younger than I am, although slightly more mature than I am, especially when it comes to his work and his finances. We have a lot in common, but at first, speaking to him was like pulling teeth. I like to know what makes people tick, what makes them who they are, the experiences they have had, both good and bad. But over the past few months, I feel like he has really opened up to me, in a way, he probably hasn't before to other people, at least not to our immediate circle of friends.

I was excited to see him this weekend, despite the fact we have been speaking almost everyday, I haven't seen him, since I stayed with him at Halloween. It was good to see him but it was also good to see him with his new boyfriend Vinny. I am always interested to meet new boyfriends, to see the dynamic between them up close and personal. To see the people I know so well enter into new relationships.

Vinny, is also someone whom in the last year I have become close too. When I met Vinny, he seemed like such a nice guy, and I tried to hook up him and my housemate Tom, because they had so much common. Both were a little bit shy but very sweet. For whatever reason it didn't happen. I knew Vinny wanted a boyfriend, he is that type of person, that really wants to love someone. When I was playing match maker, I remember thinking that Andrew and him seemed like a good match, so I actively encouraged them to spend more time together.

I remember thinking, that it might seem strange, to be pushing this guy I liked towards someone else. But I was over it at this point. Seeing them together this weekend, was interesting. It's one of those things about being away, you know all these things, but you can't really read a situation until you see it up front.  They seem really good together, although it is early days.

But I am glad that I never did tell Andrew, or approached him with the prospect of a relationship, because we would not be friends now, I would have ruined it by cheating on him or taking him for granted and not giving him the treatment he deserves and although we have never talked about it, I am sure, if we did now, we would be able to laugh about it. This post has a point of course, because seeing him and Vinny together has given the whole, 8 month crush thing closure. It could be understood, if I was jealous, or closed my self of from discussing it or even thinking about but there really isn't anything there, apart from an awesome friendship and I always value those more than any romantic relationship.