It's Monday afternoon, the sun is shining on the Irish sea, I am about an hour away from the coast of Dublin. My mood seems elevated, lifted. Even though my body is tired, I am relaxed. Music blares in my ears, songs which I thought would make me feel melancholy. Which is what usually happens, I listen to songs on the way back and they remind me of happier times, people I am leaving, fun I have been missing out on.
Leaving Manchester, has never been easy, whether it be moving home or leaving after a visit. It all started with a Facebook conversation. It was a pretty unusual conversation to have with my friend Ben, although we are very close, it's not often he would be nostalgic with me.He sent me some messages along the lines of 'remember the time...' and it started a pretty fun exchange of memories, adventures and good times. By the next afternoon, I had booked the ferry and I was on my way to Manchester. I hadn't been back since October and I haven't been away from the City, since I first moved there over 6 years ago.
If I am being perfectly honest with myself, I was starting to feel insecure about being away so long, I was so worried that my friends, the people I loved there, where moving on, without me. That the connection between me and them, had become frayed. I wanted to see for myself, all the changes that had happened in such a short amount of time, that I was away. Did I even really fit in anymore. In particular, my friend ship with Paul and Ali, over the past few months, I have heard them get closer and a part of me was jealous. Which I want to say is natural, but it usually isn't my style. But I am not around, I can't really expect other peoples lives not to change in my absence. But this weekend has really shown me, that I had nothing to worry about. I in fact was being really silly, why wouldn't I want my friends to get closer, not just to me, but to each other. It doesn't take anything away from the bonds I have with both of them.
I wanted to see them all so badly, I wanted to see Andrew with his new boyfriend, I wanted to see what they were like together, I wanted to meet the other new people that had become entwined with our circle of friends, dates, new friends etc.
Paul and Ali, were also dating new people, I wanted to get to know them and them to I. Especially Ali and his new date, being particularly close to his ex boyfriend, I was curious to see what kind of dynamic they would have, how different it might be. It's definitely hard to be away from these people for too long.
I arrived with Manchester and within hours, we were drinking, having fun, like I had never been away. That made me feel good. Now as the weekend is over, and I am on my way back to Dublin, I feel better, the sense of urgency I had, has evaporated and I feel like a weight has been lifted. I never realised how much it might of played on my mind, subconsciously at the very least. It was like, I had to go back, or the world would end. Now, I realise there is no rush. Dublin is really not that far away, physically or metaphorically, I am just across the road.
So that's why returning home today, feels good. There is no foreboding no doom and gloom. The sun is shining, its warm, I am content and tired. My cup spilleth over. I am feeling good.