Tuesday, 5 February 2013
Who do you want to be with right now?
Sitting here, writing this, I can't say there is anyone I want to be with right now, I am enjoying some quality alone time.
What do you feel right now?
I guess, I am feeling ok, emotionally. However I have been ill the past few days, with a very bad chest cold and my sinuses have been playing up today and its been quite painful, my friend Gillian is also suffering and my brother Karl had the same thing last week.
How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have?
I have had four relationships, which I would consider as boyfriend/boyfriend worthy. My first boyfriend was a guy called Derek, whom I had very little in common with, I wasn't even sexually attracted to him. I had the awkward pleasure of being his 21st kiss, at his 21st birthday party. We had been dating a month or so and I really wasn't feeling it, I had his mother and his friends patting me on the back and welcoming me to the family, it was awful. I ended up cheating on him with my next boyfriend.
Where do you want to be right now?
I would like to be somewhere, where, I feel like I am in the right place. I have been trying to make up my mind about going back to Manchester or staying here in Dublin. Things have been going good here, so I really am in two minds. However, I am not rushing into making a decision.
What do you want to be in the future?
Ideally, I want to be a writer, I want to study its art, its history. But a part of me feels like maybe, I don't have the necessary skills to be a good writer. So, a part of me has been considering entering into another profession, social care. I really feel like I have a lot to offer in this area, I would like to focus on troubled teenagers...but it all comes down to education. I am not getting any younger, I really need to start thinking hard.
When was the last time you cried? Why?
I cried at my Sisters wedding, I cried the night before, as I said goodbye to here, I cried on the day because she looked so breath taking and beautiful.
Are you happy?
I am happy yes. I am not unhappy, this time last year I was pretty miserable and despite some changes I would like to make, I am generally feeling quite happy at the moment.
Who do you miss?
I miss Paul, Danny, Ali, Andrew. All my boys in Manchester. I miss Michael, he moved to Australia and although I might not have seen him very often, he was always just across the sea or around the corner and now he is practically on another side of the planet, it makes missing him so much more difficult.
If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life?
Yes, I probably would I would have continued on with my education, all the way. I would still be me of course, just better educated.
Who is your bestfriend?
I don't have just one, I am lucky to have more than one.
What is your biggest regret?
Not continuing on with my education. I can't really stress this enough, when my nieces and nephews get older, I will be drilling into them the same advice I was given when I quit school but didn't listen too. STAY IN SCHOOL!
Have you ever cheated on your partner?
Yes, I have, on all of them to be precise. I have weird views on monogamy, which many people don't understand. Sex is not that even that important to me, and thus I don't give it much weight and I don't believe cheating is necessarily just about having sex with another person, but in order to answer this question, I classify it as cheating for this direct purpose. No cheating to me, is developing feelings for someone else and then acting on them, sleeping with that person, not to satisfy a need but to get closer to someone else.
What kind of music do you listen to?
I listen to everything, but my all time favourite music is really acoustic folk, like Bon Iver, James Vincent McMorrow.
Are you over your past?
I guess I am, I have had some issues with low self esteem, family problems etc and I have as much as reasonably able, I have moved on. I used to carry a lot of my family issues around with me but I think I have put some healthy distance between them and my life.
What kind of person do you want to date?
They should be older than me, square jaw and a wicked sense of humor. They should be smart, read for pleasure and think about life, they will have their own friends and out social circles will rarely mix. He will get me and I him, he will be fun. His glass will be half full.
Do you have troubles sleeping at night?
Yes, I guess I do. I have never been an easy sleeper, unless I am up at around 6am, the chances of me getting to sleep before midnight are pretty slim. I have always been that way.
Do you like someone as of the moment?
Not at the moment no, there is no one special.
What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend?
Yes! Buy a new shirt, every time I see him, he is wearing this god awful pink shirt.
Did you try to change for a person?
I didn't try, it just sort of happened without me noticing, I put up with their laziness, their complaining, their 'woe is me' act. Once we split up, finding myself again, was so much fun. It made it almost worth it.
Describe your dream date.
He will take me somewhere fun, like a fun fair or a circus. We will run around, have fun and be silly. We will then go see a movie or a shoe, something funny, not romantic. We would walk around the city, drinking coffee. In my head, that city is Manchester. We would then part ways, with a kiss.
Describe your dream wedding.
I have actually given this some thought recently, with my sister getting married just a couple of weeks ago. Her wedding was awesome, the music choices, the first dance the venue, all oozed cool. But as much as I enjoyed the day, I would want my own wedding to be a lot less low key, just me and him and whoever it is the conducts the ceremony, the witnesses, their would be 2, I wouldn't even have to know them. It would just be about us, the wedding would just be a formality, it would be all about the marriage.
Have you ever cried over someone?
The last time I have ever cried over someone, was on my sisters wedding day, she looked so beautiful, so radiant, I am not a big crier, but don't get me wrong, I genuinely believe that real men cry and I am not ashamed to say, that I cried that day.
Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret?
Where does one start, when I was at my worst with my drug problem, I did many things that I regret, stealing prescriptions and deceiving people.
Do you like getting hurt?
I don't like it per se, I do however believe that in order for us to grow as people it is necessary. I have never had my heartbroken by a lover and I am curious to know what it feels like, to have that understanding, to know how it feels when friends or family, feel that heart break. To be able to empathize and say and do the right things.
Does anyone hate you?
Everyone hates someone right? When I think about this, I can only assume that their are people out there that hate me, I can sometimes come across as cocky, arrogant and rude, a little full of myself and therefore, there really must be someone out there who hates me.
Do you love someone as of the moment?
If I was asked this question, 9 months ago, I would have had to think hard about this. I had a serious crush and at the height of it, I probably might have thought I loved this person, it wasn't love though, I know that now. It would have been close.
Have you ever thought of killing yourself?
When I was 16, I was pretty messed up, I had no self confidence, I had a drug problem, a lot of internal conflict and I was not getting along with my family, I tried to kill myself twice that summer. It was a silly thing to do, they were typical teenage problems but being there, all up in it, they seemed like the worst problems in the world.
Did you have an accident last year?
Yes, I did. In September, I fell down the stairs from my attic room and smashed my collar bone of the door frame at the bottom of those stairs. I went to hospital that night, and was operated on a few days later. I had a metal bar inserted as the bone was completely shattered. Before the surgery, it was gross, you could see the bone protruding under the skin. It was pretty disgusting. It made me feel very vulnerable, being in a sling.
What kind of person are you?
A swirling mass of contradictions, but on the whole, I am generous, loyal, fun, confident mess.
Do you have any memories you want to erase?
No, as corny and cliched as it sounds, everything good or bad that has happened to me, that I have seen or experienced, as developed me as the person I am today and will inevitably turn out to be.
Did you ever badmouth someone?
Anyone, who ever says they have not, are lying. It's something we all do.
Have you ever had an argument with someone?
Yes, I have, healthy debates, angry screaming, passive aggressive not speaking. Lots of many different kinds.
Do you have trust issues??
No, I do not. Everyone is at the core, a good person. I find the thought of worrying if people have sinister motives, to be exhausting. We can't sit around and worry about what people might do, or avoid situations or interactions because we are afraid we might get hurt. We might be missing out on something and if there is one thing I hate, that is missing out.
Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough?
Very rarely, when I do, it is usually when I am meeting someones parents, I can't help but get that feeling that they are worried I am corrupting their child, which lets face it, is probably true.