Friday, 10 May 2013
The Dating Game
If getting on the horse, is what I need to do to get over him. Then maybe it’s time I did just that. Notice I didn't say back on the horse, because really, I have never been a big dater, I have had a couple of relationships. One that could be called marginally serious. We did the whole, ‘fall in love’, move in together thing. But in the years that have past, almost 4 now at this point. I can say with some degree of certainty, that I didn't love him. I loved the idea of being in love. When really it was just an exhausting exercise in trying to change someone. Now, I wasn't trying to change someone, who didn't need changing, just to suit my own needs. No, he really needed to change. He had a bad attitude about every aspect of his life and our relationship. Anyway, it was a pointless and fruitless exercise.
I am not against dating per se, I have just never really had any good ones. The last date I went on, was with a doctor called James, from New Jersey. He is a good looking guy and is perfectly nice and polite and that’s sweet. It’s just not very exciting. I have been on a few dates with him since we met and none of them apart from the first date have blown me away. The sex, which happened on the date number one, was fantastic and I think it is this reason alone, which have kept me contacting him. Usually at 3 in the morning when I have been drinking.
I had a particularly bad date, earlier in the year, a polish guy, I can’t even remember his name, who worked as a chef. We had exchanged pictures and information on the popular gay dating APP, Grindr. Unfortunately, he lied about his height and when he showed up at the agreed place, I was visibly taken back at how short he was. I am 5,10 and he told me he was around 5,9. However, when he walked in the door, it was clear that he was just about stretching to 5,7. It sounds shallow I know, so I decided that I would have the drink we arranged and see if there was something else there, worth sticking around for. There wasn't. Not only was he short, he was also uninteresting.
I like to be interested when I am on a date. My ideal date places, are not bars and clubs that some people may think, but places like funfairs, adventure parks and god forbid it should never happen. Arrange to meet me at a library, then I am yours. But maybe it is time to change tactic’s because what I have been trying before, has clearly not being working. The first thing, I should probably consider is the amount of effort I put in because I am for the most part, not fussed about being in a relationship right now (I don’t know yet, if that’s in general or anyone but HIM), that I am getting back, what I put out there. Indifference. Another thing to consider, is maybe trying something a little bit different. A friend of mine recently suggested speed dating. A Dublin based organisation called Romeo/Romeo and Juliet/Juliet run date nights here in the city. I am very keen to try something like this, even if it doesn't go anywhere, I am thinking it will be one more memorable experience that I will have had.
One of the biggest reasons, I have never taken dates to the next level is due to the fact, that there so many aspects of my life, that I didn't want to invite another person into, for selfish reasons mostly. In Manchester, there was no room for anyone else, I was too busy crushing on HIM, trying to keep my financial head above water and generally being too much of a mess, to barely keep my own life in check, never mind taking someone else’s into consideration. Things are different now in Dublin, I am working, I don’t drink or go out nearly as much and I generally more stable. But I am not open to the idea of introducing anyone to my family or friends right now. Having feelings for someone, makes me feel vulnerable, like my weakness is there for everyone to manipulate and observe or ridicule. This I imagine can be combated by taking things slow, and letting real feelings develop, I am just not sure how ready I am for that yet.
I guess, we will have to wait and see.