Sometimes things don’t go according to plan. I have never been one to plan to long in advance and that is one of the reasons why, sometimes stuff just happens that can derail all your good intentions. Mostly these things are out of your control and they make you reassess your priorities. For instance, my brother leaves for New Zealand in just under a months’ time and unlike previous working holidays we do not know when he will be back, if ever. He is going to start a brand new job, which holds a commitment of 5 years. This is a fantastic development for him, a step up in his career and on a personal level, something he needs.
But where does that leave me? I don’t ask this in a selfish manner. I am genuinely assessing my presence in Dublin. Earlier this year I enrolled in school and it seemed like a natural and healthy progression away from my routine and I was all for it. I had plans to move out of my Mother’s house and get a place near the school. But then I learned that my brother was leaving and it all just seemed so impossible.
I have made no qualms about my life here in Dublin not being as satisfying as my life in Manchester, but I was willing to put that aside because I would have school and the support of my Brother and Sister, but my sister has her own family to worry about and now my Brother is leaving, it just doesn’t seem worth it. I still want to learn and to be educated and I still have a long term career plan, I just don’t see it here, in Dublin, I don’t see it working here. These past 9 months have not been unhappy and I have had quite a lot of fun with my friends and spent time with my family but there has always been something so temporary about it. At first I thought it was because I was waiting for the school year to start, when I would leave my job and enter full time education but maybe that wasn’t it. The few trips I have made to Manchester this year, have honestly been the most freeing times I have experienced this year.
I think I have grown so much in the last year and although I may not have completely put an end to some my undesirable habits, my outlook on them has definitely changed and I believe now is the time, or at least it is close. That sounds like such a cop out I know, but it is the best I’ve got right now.
I do seem to be going in circles, round and round every couple of years but it is what it is. I am eager to get back now that I have made the decision but I have to wait until the end of September when my work contract ends, a job which I have rather enjoyed but which doesn’t hold any long term career prospects, I am not even sure I would want them, even if there was. But as I said, all the best laid plans. Who knows what will happen between then and now.