Mind Of Mine

Sometimes it is hard handling all this stuff! Thinking about work, Paying bills and being responsible! Things such as forming adult relationships and being mature, sometimes are so difficult. I think Peter Pan had it down!

Which brings me to my point.. CHILDHOOD! I miss mine. What childhood i did have. I really miss it. Like REALLY. When i returned to Dublin recently for Gay Pride my Mam showed me some photographs, of my and my siblings as children. I was probably about 3 years old in most of the photos and although i cannot remember the time specifically it got me thinking of those simple days.

Although i came from what is now known as a broken home, it was never anything that effected me directly. My parents had split up shortly after i was born. My brother Karl and i lived with my Mam and my other brother Darren and my sister Tanya went to live with my Dad. We moved around alot the three of us. Each home of course being happier than others. My Mam had been ill alot during my younger years but i very rarely knew about and its only in retrospect that i can spot the signs and actually make the connection. Although in later years it eventually became unavoidable.

My idolised my siblings when i was younger. My brother Karl was my best friend, my sister Tanya took care of me and my older Brother was like my hero. Karl and i shared alot of the same experiences and friends. When we lived in Phibsboro, a district in Dublin our days were pretty much filled with some kind of adventure. Bunking off school and generally getting up to mischief. Along with our friends we even built a pretty impressive and elaborate hut made off wood in a friends back yard and spent many an hour exploring the derelict building around Mountjoy prison. Although Karl was only two years older than me when he hit his teens it may have been 20 years!

Although my Mam and Dad were separated we had to go to his house every second weekend. My Dad had a house in Ballyfermot in Dublin and it was their that my best friend Paul lived. Paul and i had been friends pretty much from year one, with only a few months between us in age. His family lived directly across the road from us. Paul and i were always getting into trouble. Once we even ran away together. We were about 8 years old and we took forty pound from my Dad's room and just got on a bus. We managed to make it till 1am before getting picked up from the police. No one was that mad at us, just relieved that we were ok.
We used to always go exploring around Ballyfermot and would go swimming in the pond in the phoenix park with Karl. Our story is not uncommon though, once we got into secondary school we eventually drifted apart. Now when we see each other its like we never even met.

During these visits Karl nor i actually spent that much time with my father. In fact the highlights of the weekends were seeing Paul and my sister Tanya. Eventually when we moved closer to my Dad the weekends kind of drifted into each other as we would be their when we wanted to. I used to stay every Thursday and Friday. On Thursday i would watch Buffy with my sister and on Fridays i would watch wrestling with my Dad. I didn't have a care in the world. They were good times!

In my last post i told you that i was in Dublin for Gay Pride Weekend. The original plan was to just go to Dublin during the week so i could get fitted for a suit for my brothers wedding. I was going to come home on the Thursday before Pride but because Paul and Damon were planning on visiting for the whole weekend so i extended my trip, well actually Michael booked me a different return flight and told me that i was staying a few days longer!

However Paul was not able to secure the time off from work and he had to drop out but Ed and Adam who we had gone to Brighton with were also coming along. I was so excited.
I hadn't actually been back to Dublin since i left last November and was looking forward to seeing my family and friends again, even though nearly all the people i wanted to see had come to visit Manchester in recent months.

I spent the Wednesday with my Mum doing the garden and just generally catching up. Damon arrived on the Thursday morning and after a quick power nap me, Damo and my mum did the whole tourist thing. Considering i have lived in Dublin for most of my life i had not actually done it before. We took the Dublin bus tour which had one of those roofless buses and dropped us off at places of interest around Dublin. I had a really good time and it was good to see Damon enjoy himself. Later that day Michael showed up obviously with a bottle of vodka in hand some clothes for me to wear! Him, Damon and my Mum got really drunk and he kept singing really loudly. Celine Dion's Think Twice! My Mum was doing her crazy drunk dancing and Damon was doing a silly but hilarious Celine Dion impression.

In the Early hours of Friday morning we heard Michael Jackson had died and my mum whipped out some old photos from years ago. Photos i had never even seen before, baby photos. Some of them were of me, Karl, Tanya and Darren as children. I actually welled up a little bit.
It was quite weird having Damon in Dublin. My lives in Manchester and Dublin have always been kept really separate so it was some what surreal having him there in the house i grew up in.

The next day Damon, Michael and myself all checked into a hotel in town. We managed to get a really good deal on the room so it wasn't to expensive. Ed and Adam were also staying in the same hotel. We met Gillian and Lindsey in the George after a few drinks in Temple bar. The George was practically dead but it was playing good music so well had a really good time. I pulled this guy who was over from Boston for the pride festivities. Ed doing a boy bad dance to Mm Bop by Hanson was absolutely hilarious!

Saturday was the main day for celebrating with the actual parade and stuff. It was billed as the biggest parade so far to be held in Ireland for gay pride. Michael, Our friend Martha, her Mother(A GAY ICON!!) and i all sat outside a bar on the parades route and took a shit-load of photos. Afterwards we went again to the George were everyone was waiting. It was so hot and so busy that i got quite sleepy so i headed back to the hotel to have a power nap before heading out again. Everyone had headed back to the George whilst i slept. I started to get ready whilst having a drink but i needed ice. So i went and got some from the Machine down the hall. However i forgot my card to get back into the room and i was only in my boxers!! I was worried about going down to get another card for two reasons. Being almost naked being one! But earlier that day i needed to get something from Michael's room so i pretended to be him to get a card and i was worried how i was going to explain why i needed another card to another room. It was the same receptionist as earlier but luckily she did not make the connection. She also pointed out that people locking themselves out of the their rooms in their smalls was a regular occurrence!

When i got their later that night, it was still just as busy but we all had a really good time. My friend Tanya doing an almost perfect re-enacment of the thriller video on the dance floor to an excited crowd being a particular highlight. Tanya and Michael even had a drink fight!

Ed and Adam flew back home to London early on the Sunday morning. So after checking out of the hotel Damon, Michael myself headed to the phoenix park to have a look at the presidents house which we could not even see because it was surrounded by tall trees. I then proceeded to make an absolute prat of myself by running and flipping through a big hail bale a few times.

The trip was not without its problems. I managed to lose my phone in Michael's car and could not retrieve it before i flew home. Damon and i managed to both leave our chargers in the hotel and had to have them sent over to Manchester and Damon's bank card would not work in ATM's in Dublin.

After all the weekend was done and everyone had headed back to their respective homes i still had a couple of days left in Manchester. I was actually considering maybe moving back sometime in the future and was looking at this trip as a trial run so to speak. When Damon was getting on the plane i desperately wanted to go with him. I honestly missed Manchester that much. When i landed on Tuesday i could have actually kissed the ground!!

.. So that was my trip to Dublin!

I have something to put to whoever actually reads this. Lets

call it..

Gay Hotel Etiquette

Ed and Adam were sharing a room in the hotel. Adam pulled a guy and wanted to bring him to the hotel room but Ed flat out refused. Later on it sparked a debate between Michael, Damon and myself about gay hotel etiquette. Damon felt that it was inappropriate were as Michael and myself leaned more towards, he who pulled first got to use the room. The Other person would have to either take a walk around the bloke or just wait till they were done.

What is your take on situations like these?

God, it has been nearly a month since i last made a post. Things have been super crazy the past few weeks. Damon and i have just come back from a mammoth trip to Dublin for Gay Pride! It was amazing. I will do a full in depth post in the next couple of days.

But while i am here i have a couple of tidbits for you..

It has been so hot here in the UK the last few days. It has been a mix of Sun, Rain and Clouds. But fuck me has it been warm...so warm in fact i have actually slept in my back garden the last two nights. I cannot stand being too warm. I would rather be freezing cold than two warm.

And...

I joined the gym yesterday. I got a really good deal as well. I went yesterday for about an hour or so but i don't actually know how to use the equipment so i can get the best workout available. I have an assessment with a fitness instructor this week. I am also looking forward to doing some classes with my friend Ben who is also a member of the same gym.

Anyways that's all for now...

TTFN XX

Well basically what i plan on doing is something which many other bloggers before me have done. I want to interview a variety of interesting people and post them here. When i say interesting people i mean people that interest me that is.

I am off to find them...wish me luck!

When i was a child i was skinny! I was really skinny! In fact my sister used to call me skin and bones. I was scrawny to fuck. All through Primary school i was one of the smallest kids in my class. Then all of a sudden i hit primary school and i started to get bigger. Not just my weight but my actual build. I was comfort eating alot through secondary school due to a multitude of family and personal problems.

Obviously with Puberty my body was changing anyway and coupled with my eating i got large! Very large! The biggest i was at was just over 18 stone. At the time i didn't feel any different. I guess i was in denial. It wasn't until i entered the working world that this weight started to fall away. This could be down to many reasons. I enjoyed what i was doing and i was away from the negative aspects of high school. I also started to socialise at clubs with my new work friends and all these combined factors helped me lose the weight.

The thing is my eating habits have rarely changed. I eat crap basically i rarely eat vegtables and i tend to go for the most convenient meals and i am partial to a take-away/fast-food option when picking something to eat. Drugs over the last 5-6 years have always played a big part in my weight loss. Dancing my tits off on Ecstasy is the best work-out and with comedowns leaving me with very little appetite, this is what contributed to my weight loss back in 2004 and 2005.

Since i was 18 stone my weight fluctuates wildly between 12-14 stone. The smallest i have ever been since i was a pre-teen was eleven stone which was about two years ago again drugs played a big factor.

Insults towards my physical features will rarely effect me but i have to admit that comments about my weight will cut me deep and i will actually think about them for days. But not enough to actually doing anything about it. Anytime i have lost weight its been down to other factors not including cutting back and actually doing exercise. Don't get me wrong i am not obese and i am actually quite fit. I can out run any skinny little runt! But i just wish i was skinnier and that i didn't have this unhealthy obsession with food. Like many things i want from life i lack motivation to go do it. This is the same about my weight...

The reason i have written this is because to have my worries out there and have people knowing that i want to lose weight and learn to eat better might just push me into going for it and having people scrutinise that fact will keep me motivated!

Hey there again...

So after the park we headed back to were we were staying. Our friend Paul was there as a surprise. Damon had originally thought that Paul had backed out but i of course knew that he would be showing up sometime in the evening. A little while later Daz, who we both knew from his recent visit to Manchester also showed up.

By the time we went out there was about Ten of us and we all headed to heaven but it was far too late and we could not get in, not even with the help of Damon's ex-boyfriend Jack. Instead of queuing up we all decided to head to Vauxhall which was just a strip of clubs. The place we ended up in was called Barcode which was playing R+B/Funky house remixes at the front and house music at the back. I cannot stand house music and i knew Daz didn't either so i grabbed him so we could head to another bar, hopefully with better music!

Right next door there was a place called Union. It was all black and had fences up around it. It didn't register at the time but we were about to be surprised. It cost us 5 pound to get in and the guy on the door said ' its worth for a drink and a blow job'. Even after he said that it still did not click what type of place this was! As soon as we walked in we saw some bear sucking off some twink. A naked old guy with a cock ring and porn playing on screens around the club. It really was amazing! I had never seen anything like it.

The next day we eventually did the tourist thing. We went to Saint Paul's Cathedral and Buckingham Palace. All weekend i was hoping to see a celebrity just to make the trip complete and i was hoping it would happen when we were out and about...so when it was time to head home i was genuinely disappointed that i hadn't even seen a Z-Lister!

The drive out of London was a nightmare we left and like 5pm and were still not on the motorway until after 6! However i am so glad it turned out that way because in the car travelling out of the city we seen Justin Hawkins from the Darkness!!

The trip was absolutely amazing. I don't think it could have gone any better!

Ian

This weekend we celebrated the birth of my good friend Damon by taking a coach to London! I'll start at the beginning. We got the coach from Manchester City Centre to go straight to London which took about 5 hours in total. The coach was equal parts fun and awful. It was scorching hot outside and the air-con was not keeping up plus the toilet didn't work. We both had quite a bit of alcohol and got quite merry. There was another Irish guy who was sat beside us so i offered him a can of Carlsberg. However although he declined he kept talking to us in an accent that even i could not understand! Half way through the journey i tried to have a bit of a sleep and nearly cuddled up to the Irish guy!

Once we got to London we got to ride the tube which i was excited about. I had been to London when i was Ten years old and i was looking forward to doing the whole tourist thing again. We got to a friends house, Ed. Who was also celebrating his birthday with his brother and a couple of his friends. Claire who i know from Manchester and her friend Nikki also joined us soon afterwards. Once everyone was ready we hopped onto a train to go to Brighton. I had never been to Brighton before so i was super excited. We all managed to get quite drunk on the train ride down. The first bar we went to was called R Bar and it had this coin toss game were if you called it then you got another order for free. I lost but Damon won twice. We then moved onto the next bar called Revenge and after having a few more drinks me and Claire decided that we wanted to go to the beach. The weather had been so good during the day and even though it was dark it was still warm so i couldn't resist going for a swim! However in my drunken state i managed to lose my phone!
After having some more drinks in the club, pulling this guy and doing some bad Irish dancing i accepted the loss of my beloved phone!

Before going home we all went back to the beach and me and Damon bounded for the water once again. It really was amazing. I had never been in the sea at night time. I managed to get split up from the group so Damon who didn't know i had lost my phone called me to see where i was and i saw the light from the phone just a few yards away! I was relieved!

We then got the train back to London but rather than going home to bed Nikki, Claire, Damon and myself decided that we wanted to go sunbathe in the park. So we packed up some sleeping bags and the space cakes that Claire had brought and headed to Hyde park. We got there at about 8am and by 11am the park was packed. There were so many fit guys around with no tops on. We stayed there till about 6pm. It really was fun. We chilled chatted and me and Claire had some of the space cakes and i quite enjoyed the buzz they gave me...

Part 2 coming soon. I don't want post to be too long!