Wednesday, 9 September 2015

Cohabiting Codependents

A year ago, if someone said that I would not only be in a relationship but I would also be living with that person. I would have scoffed at the nonsense and walked away because whoever was telling this enchanting tale, didn't know me at all, so this intrusive and presumptuous opinion on my life would probably have been most unwelcome. But a year later, I would be back tail between my legs and marvelling at their exemplary clairvoyant skills. 

They say you learn a lot about yourself when you move in with a significant other. I don't know who 'They' are but it all sounds very wise and in the just the few weeks since we crossed the threshold into our own apartment, I already feel that I have discovered lots of things about myself; I didn't already know and it seems I still wish I didn't.  I have compiled a list because lists are useful and organized. These appear in no particular order and may or not have a running theme building up to some astute and intelligent observation at the end, but rather appear in the order of how my brain processes or panics about the decision I made. 

No More Housemate Horror Stories (Hopefully...)

I have lived in many different places, with many different people over the years. An eclectic and eccentric bunch of people from all spectrums of society, from the the weird to the sublime. Particular favourites being the bipolar hypochondriac who used to rent out our sofa to 'Couch Surfers' and try and casually enter into conversation that their cousin, aunt, friend would be staying over at the weekend and would be using the living room like a hotel room. 

Not all my roommates have been dregs on society, although the following descriptions on paper sound suspect at best, they have been thrilling housemates slash friends.  The rent boy with a ketamine problem was ideal to have around for when you just NEEDED an epic night spent in Club toilets on a Monday, after a hard weekend.  I have had them all, the Fashionista, the Arguing Couple, The Zombie, The Alcoholic, The Pet Keeper, all of them marvellous in their own unique special way. 

But living with your boyfriend, is different. Sex whenever I want it, doubling my wardrobe, sharing bills. All the obvious perks you would expect. But something which I have found a happy bonus, is the getting to share the irrational moments at 3AM, because I am allowed to wake him up and tell him about the strange dream I had or showing him the strange rash that I swear wasn't there yesterday and thus allowing me to come off the 'I have Ebola' ledge All without finding the passive aggressive note on the fridge the next morning. 

We can make plans about what we will do with the apartment decoratively and have blazing rows which call into question our entire relationship because he wants a purple statement wall or wants a shower curtain with a duck motive. We can make these plans with the reassurance that neither of us will wake up one morning to find the other has moved out in the clandestine dark of night, skipping on their share of rent and bills and half of your DVD collection. 

21 Things A Guy Quickly Learns After Moving In With His Girlfriend For The First Time


I like to think I am pretty easy going when it comes to my living space.  You would never find yourself eating of one side of the dinner plate, whilst I cleaned the other. All the while tutting loudly about you not pulling your weight.  With my last roommate, we shared the same mentality about cleaning and general tidiness.  

Which is really a match made in heaven when housemates are on the same page of the 'This can wait till tomorrow, the weekend, I will just throw it away' page.  I will look back on our time together fondly.  But having said that,  now that I am in a place with my name on it, to which I am responsible I have found myself being somewhat obsessive about cleaning.  There is now about a 6 minute window from when a meal is prepared and served for the kitchen to be scrubbed clean and disinfected.  I have spent an uncomfortable amount a money on bleach. 

21 Things A Guy Quickly Learns After Moving In With His Girlfriend For The First Time

Utility Bills

Usually the bulk of my salary went on clothes, clubs and coffee but lately, I am seeing end tables, lamps and kitchenware in my future. But there is one aspect of setting up a home, that I have found to be an impossible labyrinth. I have never in my life had to decide which energy supplier is better or if the free laptop I got with my TV package was just a ruse to distract me whilst they raped and pillaged my bank account with fees and hidden costs. 

Bills, Bills, Bills, are never a fun topic and they are really starting to build up. Don't even get me started on the dreaded food shop.  Our most recent Tesco outing was a fun filled day of bargain hunting and adventurous meal ideas, until it was checkout time.  Then it was cold sweats and nervous shaking.  We were so relieved that when the shop came in at a reasonable amount that we celebrated loudly. 

My boyfriend has not been of much use during this harrowing obstacle course.  Having moved out from his parents home.  He was actually surprised that we had to pay for luxuries such as electricity and gas.  Oh to be young and wonderfully oblivious again. 

My electric company wants to give me a £100.00 if I sign up, but for £100.00 am I selling my soul.  Common sense of course would be to go with the who is giving the lowest rate, but I challenge anyone to go to a providers' website and easily determine which is the best. Not that it would matter now because like a sucker, I am eagerly awaiting delivery of my new laptop and we have already spent the £100.00.  Maybe I will get it right next year. 

21 Things A Guy Quickly Learns After Moving In With His Girlfriend For The First Time


When you move in with someone, there is no hiding the fact that you are both a lot more odd than you realised. I will quite contentedly not shower for a couple of days if I have nowhere to be. Don't judge me or pretend you haven't done it. He will sometimes get incredibly silly and goofy which infuriates me to no end whilst at the same time finding it incredibly adorable.  When you first start dating someone, you really are seeing them at their best effort. When you’re living with someone, you are going to see that person leaving the bathroom in a dirty pair of sweatpants with dried food stuck to their T-Shirt. Sometimes you have to remind that person to shower. Sometimes that person will point out that you have gum disease. In spite of all this, you will somehow still want to have sex with each other.

21 Things A Guy Quickly Learns After Moving In With His Girlfriend For The First Time

It is of course very early days but I am excited about the future, blazing rows, extortionate bills, make up sex and generally being strange with my boyfriend. 

So much has changed in just one year, I am now more a creature of the boardroom than the night, my priorities have completely changed but i still cling to the parts of me that are fun and exciting and reckless.  

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naturgesetz said...


LMB said...

Life is screwy, ain't it?

LMB said...

Life is screwy, ain't it?

Dean Grey said...


At least you two have each other during the difficult times. I hope to have that too one day.

You go, boy(s)!