Sunday, 10 November 2013
There is nothing remarkable, in fact all across the country there are people doing the exact same thing, in locations just like this one. But I can't imagine anyone of them are feeling exactly the same way I am. I am riding such a high, its not just narcotics - it feels almost visceral and as I move to this beat. I know I am exactly where I need to be.
I am surrounded by people that love me, people I love, fellow revellers and people who don't know me and I feel epic, so much in unison that simple looks convey an entire conversation in just seconds. Adjectives like amazing and fantastic are exchanged with glances and smiles, not words. Bodies are moving, individual and unique all of them, they move in unison to a familiar beat, jam or melody.
My friends are all around me, touches to show how we love each other, hugs to celebrate those bonds. He is there and his attention is not on me and I don't care because to me, in that moment everything is about riding out this wave of fantastical arrogance. It's about me, I feel amazing. I feel alive.
You go out, you drink, you smoke, you sniff, you ride and it gets tired. You get tired of the same routine, same faces, same judgements, same backwards glances, recrimination. Because on paper the itinerary looks the same but each night holds something so different, new people, new moves, bad experiences combined with some good times. But every now and then something just happens and it erases everything that's come before it and from then on, you are living up to a new expectation of wondrous ambiguity. What exactly will happen next.
You can tell yourself after a bad time, that it was the last time. Sometimes for some people it is. But not for me, for me its an empty term because I know I will keep going back until it has nothing left to offer me. The premise itself is so simple yet so magical and it takes just the right combination, the correct mix to get it exactly right, people, friends, lovers, music, timing and the rest. That X meets the spot, that X which you can't quite put your finger on but it holds the key to keeping everything else in tune, connected.
Eventually the time comes when it has to end and I might be going home alone but I don't care because I feel like I have shared something whole with a room full of people who don't even know my name but they have seen me dance, they have danced with me, beside me.
For just a few short hours, it felt ok to be part of the crowd and as I walk home to place that isn't mine but is filled with some of the greatest people I have ever met, I feel good.
I feel fantastic.
We are fantastic.